This reflection invites us to consider what kind of conversations intelligent people prefer and why it is better to avoid certain conversations. In many work and social settings, silence can create discomfort that leads to starting conversations out of sheer inertia. When waiting in a meeting room or at a bar with colleagues, it is normal to resort to safe, neutral topics. This tendency, which can be annoying for more intelligent people, respond to the need to fill the void, rather than a genuine desire to establish connections. However, not all verbal interactions add value. According to Justin Bariso, writer and consultant specialising in emotional intelligence, the content and approach of our conversations say a lot about our social and professional skills. According to him, published on this portal, there are types of dialogue that, far from building meaningful relationships, limit the development of authentic bonds.
The type of conversation that smarter people avoid
Bariso defines small talk as superficial conversation that focuses on trivial or impersonal topics, such as the weather, traffic or generic events without depth. This type of interaction, although common, lacks emotional or intellectual impact.
According to the expert, smarter people tend to avoid this ploy. Not out of disinterest, but because they are aware that this exchange does not help to strengthen relationships or generate genuine empathy. Trivial conversation does not allow for mutual understanding to progress, nor does it leave room for authenticity.
Key characteristics of small talk:
- It revolves around predictable and neutral topics.
- It does not generate an emotional connection.
- It is used to fill silence, not to get to know the other person better.
- It is easily forgotten.
- Faced with this, more intelligent people focus on approaches that foster real connection.
How can you generate conversations that have a greater impact on intelligent people?
Drawing inspiration from the principles of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, Bariso reminds us that the key to starting a good conversation is not in talking a lot, but in knowing how to listen.
Keys used by smarter people in conversation:
- Ask open-ended questions that invite the other person to talk about themselves.
- Show genuine interest in what the other person is saying.
- Avoid interrupting or shifting the focus to yourself.
- Adapt your tone and pace to the situation and the person you are talking to.
Examples of questions with greater conversational potential:
- What was the last project that motivated you?
- What would you like to learn in the coming months?
- Is there anything you are passionate about outside of work?
Far from being invasive, these types of questions allow the other person to share aspects of their identity that do not usually emerge in everyday conversation.
Why is it important to seek out conversations that have substance?
The difference between a meaningful interaction and an irrelevant one lies not so much in its duration as in its intention. According to Bariso, strong bonds within a workplace are not built with clichés, but with a willingness to understand how others think, feel and act.
A study by the consulting firm Gallup (cited by the author) reinforces this idea: employees feel more engaged when they perceive that their superiors are interested in them on a personal level, not just a professional one. Emotional engagement improves communication and promotes collaborative work.
Bariso proposes a simple exercise to replace small talk. Instead of resorting to small talk, focus the dialogue on discovering something new about the other person. To this end, he recommends:
- Listen without planning your next response.
- Avoid judgements or interruptions.
- Pick up on shared ideas to explore them further.
- This approach is not only useful in the workplace, but also applicable to social and family contexts.
