Although it may sometimes seem like just an extroverted or spontaneous trait, specialists have an answer. In every family, group of friends, or work environment, there is someone who never stops talking. They talk non-stop, constantly interrupt, or don’t leave room for others to participate in the conversation. Although it may sometimes seem like just an extroverted or spontaneous trait, psychology has another interpretation.
According to psychologist Olga Albaladejo, author of Cuentos del Bien-estar (Stories of Well-being), talking excessively is not always just a matter of personality. In many cases, it is an unconscious mechanism for managing difficult emotions.‘Talking a lot can be a way of regulating emotions or protecting oneself from what one does not know how to manage,’ said the expert.
Anxiety, control and fear of silence
Among the most common reasons for this behaviour is anxiety. Some people, Albaladejo explained, ‘when they feel nervous, talk without filtering themselves just to say something.’Others do it as a way to avoid connecting with uncomfortable emotions: talking non-stop prevents them from feeling, reflecting and even blocks the person they are talking to.
In some cases, it is a strategy to ‘control the interaction.’ Not letting the other person speak reduces the possibility of receiving uncomfortable or difficult comments. There may also be a rejection of silence, which for some people is associated with emptiness, discomfort or rejection.
And at the extreme end of the spectrum are those who do not consider what the other person has to say to be valuable. ‘They are the ones who “only came to talk about their book”,’ said the psychologist with humour.
A wound from the past: never having been listened to
Another explanation for this behaviour is more profound: some people who today do not let anyone else speak may have grown up in environments where they were never listened to. In such cases, verbosity is an unconscious attempt to occupy a space that was previously denied them.
The key is not to talk less, but to listen more
‘Listening is the mirror of speech,’ said Albaladejo. And it’s not about eliminating speech, but about improving it. Knowing how to listen, more than knowing how to speak, reveals our quality as communicators.
The psychologist identified four types of listeners:
– Those who listen to respond, but stop hearing as soon as the other person starts speaking.
– Those who listen to solve or advise, even though no one has asked for their help.
– Those who invalidate without meaning to, with phrases such as ‘that’s nothing, look what happened to…’.
– Those who listen to understand, with empathy, without judgement or the need to be right.
The latter, explained Albaladejo, represents the ideal: ‘empathic listening’, which allows the other person to feel accompanied, validated and respected.
Four keys to improving the way you speak
If you think you talk too much or know someone who does, the psychologist suggested changing your approach.
It’s not about keeping quiet, but about communicating with greater awareness. Here is her advice:
– Think before you speak: What do I want to say? Why? Is this the right time?
– Listen without interrupting or anticipating responses.
– Accept silence as a natural part of dialogue.
– Respect the other person’s space to speak or remain silent.
